The future?

Most little girls dream of the day they get married, picture their first house, and have the perfect husband planned out in meticulous detail as soon as they can talk. I, on the other hand, don't know the slightest thing about a fantasy wedding, white picket fence, or lifelong partner. Does this make me abnormal? Probably. Does it make me careless? More than likely, but you know what it doesn't make me? Vulnerable.

The way I see it, as soon as I draw the picture of how my life is supposed to be in ten years, I'm just walking into a shitload of disappointment. The thing that screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be. This picture gives us false hope; it does nothing but show us how quickly things can be fucked up. If I don't have a specific path for my future, how am I going to know when something goes "wrong"? That's right, I won't.

Have you ever heard the saying, "what you don't know can't hurt you"? That's where I'm going with this. If I don't know how my life is going to turn out, it can't hurt me.

Stop trying to lay out the stepping stones of your life in the fucking mud! They'll do nothing but sink, and create a disaster. Instead, save your money and say "screw the stepping stones!" Walk through the mud if you have to; jump over the puddles and stomp through the grass! Roll with the punches!!

Don't paint a pretty picture and then touch it before it's dry, that will only mess up the finished product. Don't let yourself be disappointed by life. This picture only makes you vulnerable and open to heartbreak. Stop trying to control the uncontrollable and just accept life as it happens!

My ultimate goal in life is to be happy. If I'm single, living in a one bedroom apartment, and teaching in a pea-sized town when I'm 40 then so be it. As long as I'm happy. The moment I say that I want my life to follow a certain path, I'm setting myself up for pain in the end. Nothing ever goes as planned; we just have to trust that it will go the way it's supposed to. I don't care if your faith lies with God, science, or fucking bees, but you have to believe in something. Life is too insane not to.

So attack with white out, erasers, and scribbles and throw away all your expectations. Expectations lead to disappointments and disappointments inevitably lead to unhappiness, so stop expecting and just start accepting. Accept that life isn't going to go your way all the time, and end the stigma that it's not normal if you haven't planned your wedding before you've even had your first kiss. It's perfectly normal, and much easier in  the long run.

I've been "rolling with it" for 17 years and I'm going to continue living my life off the beaten path and trust that I'll end up where I'm supposed to be in the end.