Pathetic? Possibly..

My dog was hit by a car and killed yesterday.

Dramatic way to start a post, right? I know. Is it pathetic that I've cried more over Cooper than I have cried in the past 6 months? Maybe.

I keep telling myself that he was just a dog. But he wasn't just a dog. He was, in some weird way, my best friend. I miss the little guy terribly. He even managed to get a mention in my autobiography that I had to write for my English class.

I'm bawling my eyes out trying to write this stupid blog post. I feel like such a pathetic loser, honestly.

I feel even worse that I never really said goodbye. I haven't even gone to see his grave. I don't plan on it, either. I missed the entire scene; the car, mom running up the hill, everything. I'm really glad I did, too.

As soon as I came out of my room and saw mom, I went into shock. Complete and utter shock. I didn't cry; I just started shaking uncontrollably from the moment I saw him until I got to my friends house. He took me and we went for coffee and such, just so we could both get away. (I had made these plans earlier in the day, before Cooper died).

Anyway, I just miss him. And I feel like an idiot for crying over him the way I have. I've held it together for Jesse, because the poor kid cried for hours and sat by his grave for half an hour talking to him while I was gone last night. I just can't bring myself to say goodbye, because that means my best friend is actually gone. It means I can't run with him up to the mailbox again. It was weird going to check the mail today, because he wasn't there with me. I used to love to race him up there, and watch him get so excited about going outside.

He always got so excited about going outside. If you said, "Cooper, wanna go outside?!" he would bark and jump up and down and sometimes cock his little head. It was always precious.

Spunky and Socks aren't themselves, either. I can tell they're both grieving. They just keep moping around the house, and Socks has been going up to the spot where Cooper last laid, and looks down at my mom as if Cooper in going to come back. It's so sweet and heartbreaking at the same time.

I just miss my little stink bomb/fluff butt/little guy. I can't believe I'm crying so much over such a  little thing big part of my life.

I'm done now. I don't think I can come up with anything else to say, I've got friend/ friend's boyfriend drama to attend to, and I need to get the snot and tears off my face.