Ramblings..

Life without Cooper is strange, but getting better. Spunky has been greeting me in the mornings and afternoons lately, and it's as sweet as ever. He's definitely no Cooper, but he's a sweetheart.

I take the ACT again tomorrow. This time It's the required test for all Juniors. I'm not looking forward to it, mainly because I've been sick. I feel like complete shit, and I don't know how I'm going to survive through the four hour fucking test tomorrow. I also NEED to raise my scores. If my math and science don't come up a point each, I'm just screwed. I just wish I were smart enough to score in the upper twenties/ lower thirties with ease. Mom has standards set for me that I never knew about; she expects all four subscores to improve, not just math and science like I've been working on.

I'm just screwed beyond belief. If I come out of there with slight improvement, it would be an act of God.
And then to top it all off, I slept all afternoon, so I won't be able to sleep much tonight.

Besides the ACT tomorrow, I ended up with a 95 in Anatomy and Physiology for the third quarter. Disappointed doesn't accurately describe how terrible I feel about it. It stands out like a sore thumb among my 100's and 99. It makes me look stupid, and I despise it.

I also hate when I don't have the right thing to say at the right time. That is certainly not a talent of mine; I can never form a sentence with the words I want to say when it needs to be said. I always manage to make things worse. I honestly believe that I shouldn't be able to converse with other human beings at times.

I just glanced over at my bed, only to be surprised at the amount of clothes and other shit that has accumulated over the weekend. After Cooper died Friday, I wasn't in the mood to clean. I piled everything on my desk, and left it all there for two days straight. That is the antithesis of who I am and how I like my room to be kept. Oh well.

On another note, I've been drinking a TON of water lately. I'm pretty proud of myself, actually. If only I could get off my lazy ass and walk/run everyday. Cooper was my walking buddy, and clearly he can't be that for me anymore. So I guess I'll just be lazy and not get out anymore.

And in my second to last post, "I'm gonna make it happen!" I mentioned giving up cutting for lent. Yeah, that didn't work too well. I slipped up a couple weeks ago, and almost slipped Saturday night. I was wearing shorts, though, and I couldn't do anything to myself without the blood soaking through the thin running shorts I was wearing. I was so emotional over Cooper, though. I have considered doing it tonight as some sort of stress reliever before the ACT. I'll weigh it while I'm cleaning.

I think I'm done rambling for now. I need to clean my room and attempt to wind down for bed, considering it's 9:40.