Have you ever fallen asleep while sitting straight up at your desk? It's very uncomfortable.

This happened to me earlier; I was sitting there, listening to music and laughing at the whores on my Facebook news feed, when all of a sudden I wake up and my headphones are out and unplugged from my computer, and the computer is shut and shoved to the back of my desk. I have no memory of falling asleep, or getting off of the computer. I awoke to the sensation that I had lost my right leg, when in reality, it was just  numb from being squished "criss-cross-applesauce" in my desk chair.

I then started thinking, as I'm sure everyone does after they awake from an uncomfortable, yet oddly relaxing nap, doesn't this kind of thing happen a lot in my life? No, not strange happenings in my sleep, and not being so sleep deprived right now that I could be mistaken as a narcoleptic. I'm talking about falling asleep sitting straight up, and waking up to completely different surroundings.

There have been numerous times in life where I've looked at my environment, friends, opportunities, and even my personal feelings towards events and people one day, and a week later I'm waking up to friends being unplugged from my life, opportunities being closed, and my personal feelings being shoved to the back of my brain. And, much like I awoke to the feeling of my right leg being numb, I usually come to the realization that I'm completely numb after it sinks in that everything has changed.

As humans, we rarely realize when our lives are making a complete 180 in the moment. It's only after the changes have come full circle that we wake up, and see the differences. But, why is this? Are we really so blind that we miss even the major changes in life? Or is it because we subconsciously choose not to let ourselves notice it to keep from getting hurt?

Maybe we'll ever know the answer, but I think we choose not to let ourselves notice, just so we can be happy in the moment. While everything is changing, we notice it to some extent, but not enough for it to really sink in and make us realize what's going on. Why we do this is still unknown. We get hurt either way.

So, I guess the whole point of this blog was to question why we don't notice change in our lives until after the fact. We just let people walk into and out of our lives like it's nothing. We let opportunity slip through our fingers like sand. I push my feelings back inside like they don't matter. If you really think about it, all of this hurts no matter how you look at it. It hurts like hell to see friends and opportunity leave, and it really fucking hurts to keep your feelings bottled up inside.

This is why I wake up numb. I keep things inside until I can't physically or mentally handle them anymore. I've got so many emotions locked up tight that I can't hold any more. I just don't feel anymore. Happiness is easy to fake, but it's horrible when the one thing I want to do is cry, but I can't muster a single tear.

This is branching off to become a completely different topic. I'm going to stop myself before I write two posts in one.