I'm not sure if this feeling of envy is because I'm not good enough to accomplish the things he has, or if it's because something he wanted, planned his whole life around, and tortured himself over was actually part of "The Plan." 

I'm having a hard time figuring out how I'm going to pay for college if I'm not accepted to the honors program at my college. My ACT is 4.5 points lower than the average, the personal statement I wrote was terrible, and the essay I wrote was even worse. I have very little community service, and Governor's School is my only achievement. I'm completely prepared for a rejection letter- so prepared that I've already made plans with a future roommate and finished the housing application. I can't submit it, of course, because I've forced my family into a hole financially, simply because I'm a senior this year and I'm too stupid to keep a job.  

If I had worked harder and taken myself and my education seriously as a freshman and sophomore, could I have stuck with medicine and been competitive enough for Vanderbilt? Probably not, but I could have at least stuck with the idea I had of going into the medical field and helping people. No one knows this, but I'm going into education because I feel it's the only thing I can do. I'm going to major in English because I'm not intelligent enough for math, science, or history. I fear I'm going to end up being an ineffective teacher with no passion.

I'm terrified that I'm going to let myself give up. I don't want to give up, but what's to stop me later on? I'm not a rational person. In fact, I'm probably one of the most irrational people I know. I can make decisions and regret them 2 minutes later. I can't shake this fear. I can't shake this envy. I can't shake this feeling that nothing is going to go the way I want. I'm terrified that "The Plan" set out for me is one that I'm not prepared for. 

All-in-all, I'm extremely excited for and proud of him. He truly deserves this. I can't think of a person who deserves this more than he does. He is going to do great things and will most definitely change the world with his amazing abilities.